Chapter 209

Tori took a seat on the couch and turned towards him. “So Jon, Dorothea and the kids all say hi. The meetings went well. We’ve come up with a few new items – not as many as I’d like, but it’s a good start. I think Neil hates me, although when he showed me some of the new t-shirts, he said ‘I know, I know, expand the colour pallet and have normal sizes as well as the ‘kiddie’ ones’. I guess he was listening to me that day in Jon’s den.”

Richie snorted. “Despite being men, we do listen to women on occasion. Besides, you were the boss’ sister…and now you’re the boss. It was in his best interest to listen.”

Her brow rose at his tone, but she didn’t respond to it. “Yeah, well, I’m not real sure about this whole boss thing. I hope I’m up to it.”

“Of course you are. Why would you think you aren’t? You’ve ordered for a whole store.”

“Yeah. One store in a small town where I know most of the people and what they want. This is for millions of people all over the world. Different cultures and different tastes.”

“Jon wouldn’t have put you in charge if he didn’t trust your ability to do the job.” He waved a hand. “But that’s not what I….”

“Jon wants to include me and make me feel a part of the family.” She cut him off. “I appreciate that and I don’t want to let him down.”

“You won’t.” He stared at her wondering why she kept avoiding the subject they really needed to discuss. Then Rosa entered the room with Tori’s tea and he understood.

“Here you go Mrs. Tori. You sure you no want something to eat? You a little pale.”

“I’m fine thanks Rosa, just tired.” Tori assured her.

At Rosa’s words Richie took a closer look at his wife. And frowned. “When did you eat last?”

Tori shrugged. “I had lunch with Jon and Dot before I left….then whatever the plane was feeding us.” Well, eating it might be a stretch….but I moved it around a bit. “I’m really not hungry.”

When Rosa left, Tori took a couple sips of her tea, set it down and looked at him expectantly. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Gee, I don’t know. Sports? The weather? Hey, I know, how about my depressed ex-wife and the problems she’s causing in our marriage?”

“No need to be sarcastic. I know that we need to talk about it. I just wasn’t sure that you did.”

He sighed. “Contrary to what you obviously think, I’m not blind or insensitive to your feelings. I know you’re having a hard time understanding why it’s so important for me to try to help her in any way I can.”

You’re not blind? Oh honey, Stevie Wonder can see more than you can where she’s concerned. “You’re right. I don’t understand that at all.”

“When my marriage…first marriage…fell apart, Heather blamed me. She said that I didn’t pay enough attention to her, ignored her feelings, was too focused on my own career to help her deal with her problems with hers. I have to admit she wasn’t totally wrong. The band was experiencing a resurgence. Jon had us hopping. She was having trouble getting roles. I probably wasn’t giving her as much attention as I should have been. The worse things got between us, the more time I spent in the studio. She complained that I put the music first. She never understood.” He smiled slightly at her. “That’s one of the things that attracted me to you right from the start. You understand about the music. That it isn’t about being selfish. It’s something that I’m…..compelled to do. I can’t help it. It’s part of me, of who I am. It’s part of my soul.” She nodded. “Anyway, a part of me has always felt that I let her down, that I was to blame for the failure of our marriage – partially at least. Now I’m being given the opportunity to make up for that. To be there for her when she really needs me. I don’t want to fail her again.”

Tori was filled with so many emotions, she felt like she was going to explode. Anger, pain, fear, pride, some she couldn’t even identify, were all swirling around inside her. She understood what he was saying, and even at some level was proud that he was such a caring man, but… “Okay. I hear what you’re saying, but where does that leave me? Am I just supposed to sit by and watch you…my husband….go off on some fool’s errand every day? Because you feel…what? Guilty? Obligated?” She stood and started pacing, her eyes shooting blue flames. “You’re so concerned about her feelings, but what about mine? Do you have any idea what all of this says to me? What it does to me to see you leave here and know that you’d rather be with her? That you put her feelings ahead of mine?” She blinked away the tears and laughed derisively. “I agreed – no actually, I insisted that we cut short our honeymoon so that we could be here for your daughter, and I don’t even get to see her! I have to stay away so that Heather isn’t upset! What about me being upset? You shut me out and go running to her, and then have the nerve to get annoyed when I tell you that I’m going to Jersey for work? What did it matter to you whether I was here or there? At least there I knew I was wanted.”

“I want you here!”

“Really? How was I supposed to know that? You left me here alone all day while you went off to visit your ex-wife.”

“I was home every night.”

“Ah! So that was supposed to make up for everything was it? ‘Sorry angel, my ex-wife comes first and even though we just got married I need to spend my days with her, but I’m here for you at night.’ Are you doing me a favour or yourself? I guess I should take some comfort in that at least I seem to be satisfying you in bed, at least for now, since I don’t seem to be doing such a great job anywhere else.”

“That’s not true! You satisfy me in every way. I love you!” My God! I had no idea she would take my visits to Heather this way!

“Really? Then why is she coming first in your life? What about me? When do I come first? Me! Your wife! I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve tried to take the high road and not be a selfish cold-hearted bitch in the face of her pain. But I’ve had enough. I can’t live like this – I won’t live like this anymore.” Suddenly the pain overtook her and she sobbed, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

He stared at her, his heart pounding, stomach clenching. He’d never seen her like this, alternating between tears and anger, pacing with her roiling emotions. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you need to think long and hard about what you’re doing. Make sure that whatever you’re getting out of whatever’s going on over there is worth throwing away everything we’ve begun to build here.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why can’t you understand? I’m just trying to help her! She’s sick! I can’t just turn my back on her!”

“So you turn your back on me instead?” The tears stopped as the anger returned. “Do you remember the conversation we had about this in Sarnia that day before I would agree to start planning the wedding? You promised me that you had sorted out your feelings and that you were sure that it was me you wanted. That you wouldn’t change your mind. YOU PROMISED! So, what? Now that we’re married you don’t have to live up that promise? You think you can have your cake and eat it too? Her during the day to talk to and me here at night, willing to give you what she won’t?” She snorted. “And the worst part is you can’t even see that she’s playing you. You’re so caught up in being the knight in shining armor swooping in to save the damsel in distress, that you can’t see that she’s the one pulling the strings.”

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Did it ever cross your mind that maybe she’s….exaggerating….her illness? I’m not saying that she’s not sick, just that she’s not as sick as she’s letting on. Don’t forget, she is a decent actress.”

“ You can’t be serious! Of course she’s not exaggerating! Why would she want to?”

“Gee, I don’t know, maybe to get attention? She certainly got yours.” It was Tori’s turn to lay on the sarcasm. “Think about it. She happens to ‘accidentally’ mess up her medication and go driving when we’re on our honeymoon? The timing seems a little suspicious to me. She knew that when it hit the press we’d come running home to make sure Ava was alright. Then, once she had you back here, she just has to see you every day?”

“I’ve explained all that. She needs to talk to me about stuff. It’s part of her therapy.”

“Oh? Then why is her doctor not there for these ‘therapy sessions’? I can understand the need to talk about her problems, I could even understand if you needed to be there for some of it, but how can the doctor help her deal with her issues if he isn’t there? If she could work through it herself, she wouldn’t be in this position in the first place!” She shook her head. “No. I’m not buying it. It’s just an excuse. To show us that she’s still in control. She’s jerking your leash.” Her eyes filled again. “And you’re letting her!”

When she looked at him again, he was stunned to see that the fire was gone from the sapphire depths, leaving only shadows. No life there, just pain and defeat. “I understand that you still have feelings for her at some level – if for no other reason than she’s Ava’s mother. You wouldn’t be the man I know you to be if you didn’t.” She closed her eyes briefly, exhaustion taking over. “Richie, I love you, but marriage isn’t built for three – at least not one I’m a part of. I need to know…to believe…to feel that you love me. That you want me! I need to come first in your life – aside from Ava of course.” She started to shake. “I thought we had something special, but I guess I was wrong.”

He jumped up and rushed to reach her before she collapsed. Scooping her up in his arms he resumed his seat on the couch, cradling her on his lap. “Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry! I never meant to hurt you like this! You’re right. I have been putting her feelings ahead of yours and I shouldn’t have. But baby, we do have something special! You have to believe me when I tell you that I do love you. I do want you. Only you. You are my life!” He rubbed her back.

She raised tear filled eyes to his, her lower lip quivering. “Then why Richie? Why are you doing this to me? To us?”

His heart broke at the naked devastation on her face. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I never meant to make you feel second best.” He sighed. “You’re right. I wanted to be the one to help her. To show her that I’m not the selfish, insensitive, uncaring man that she said I was.” He snorted. “Looks like she was right. In my zeal to prove her wrong, I actually proved her right. I became all of those things to you. God, angel, I’m so sorry!” He held her closer, tipped her face up to his and brushed her lips with his, tasting her tears. “So sorry.”

Tori blew out a ragged breath, let him pull her even closer and laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat beneath her ear. They sat silently for a long time. When Richie finally glanced down at her to say something he found her asleep. He shifted his grip and stood, still cradling her in his arms.

Upstairs he laid her down on their bed, removed her clothing and pulled the blankets over her. Stripping off his own clothes, he slid in beside her, relieved when she rolled over to curl into his arms. Stroking the arm she draped across his chest, he kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry angel. I love you. Please don’t leave me.” He laid there for a long time, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what she’d said. He knew that they still had more talking to do, but it would have to wait until tomorrow. She was exhausted, and he needed to think.